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The Tail of the Catavars and Fellowship of Ascended Meowsters

(With apologies to Paul Gallico, C.S. Lewis, the Lucis Trust,
the Theosophical Society, and the Episcopal Church.)

(c) Misty Day, 2008

"Once Upon a Time" there was a soul group of aristocratic felines who came together from various planes and places in the world for the purpose of forming The Fellowship of Purrfected Beings. Each member of the Fellowship swore the Hippocatic Oath with one paw raised to the sky and another placed purposefully upon a piece of Extra-Firm Tofu at room temperature. There were:

· Cleopetra, who became Senior Yoga Mistress of the Esoteric School and teacher of Myths and Wandering About.

· The Anointed One, teacher of divinity and philosophy, revealer of the mysteries of rhyme and reason, Master Hypnotist and Keeper of the Morsels.

· The Duchess of Cream, Secretary and Treasurer of the Fellowship of Purrfected Beings, an Aspirant awaiting another incarnation for Ascendance and acceptance into the Esoteric School (she has not been able to eliminate sardines from her diet due to physiological limitations).

· St. Christofur, an etheric being reputed to have been the familiar of Joan of Arc.

· Catki Gawain, yoga instructor and chakra popularizer extraordinaire, Flowmaster and world traveler.

· Gunther, visitor delegate and honorary apprentice to Mr. Whiskers, from the Hamsters are Risen Society. He and his colleagues, the Jedi Squirrels, have worked diligently in this life to smooth relations between Vegan Cats and the genus Rodentiae.

· Nantucket, Eatyervegetables and their daughter Kittybunny, who together comprise the Triumvurate Heads of the Esoteric Society. They live with Kittybunny's Aunt Regina at a monastery in Switzerland, where they teach feline veganism, claw control, delicate eating without devouring nor lust of result, and many other valuable spiritual practices. Each year they arrange and oversee various conventions, including The Antivivisection Society and the popular annual Interspecies Debate on the existence of the Goddess, this year to be held in Turkey with the Society of Ancient and Venerable Geese and Toads. The keynote address will be on the legend of Maneki Neko, the beloved lucky beckoning cat of Japan.

· Professor Albert Meower, Nobel Laureate, whose scientific and instructive work on behalf of global cooling and greening has made great headway in saving the planet from destruction.

· James Catter, Nobel Laureate, president pro tem of the International Guardians of Peace Society, whose well-rehearsed, wise ambassadorship and pivotal work in curing third-world cats of plague, dysentery and ringworm have changed the course of history for the better.

· Cattie Besant, noted author, medium and co-founder of the Esoteric School.

· George-Bernard Meow, veteran playwright, well-regarded Cat About Town, a celebrity in his own write, and dearest companion of Ms. Besant.

· Madame Meowvatsky, Mystical leader of the Knights and Ladies of Mock Caviar and lately, Consort to Whodini.

· Healing and Annealing, teachers of Grooming, Comportment and Protocol and master Geneologists of the Esoteric School.

· Dr. Deepcat Chopra, famed physician and skilled philosopher who teaches sophisticated spiritual and healing principles and the power of magnificent speaking to cats everywhere.

· Dr. Wayne Meower, a most sensible, honorable and kindly teacher of philosophy, metaphysics and astonishingly simple ways to manage airport personnel.

· Nod, the immortal and legendary Spirit Cat who walks through walls and disappears at will, leaving a mere trace of a smile in his wake. His unique work as a Muse amongst mortals is to inspire authors, poets and screenwriters with tales and legends of the Feline Kingdom. Among his accomplishments are the Broadway hit Catnapped, A Tale of Two Kitties, Clawed-Declawed! (soon to be made into a major motion picture), Furrestroika, a television series on the liberation of female felines from the birthing of unnecessary kittens (based on the pivotal pamphlet published by Meowthus), and Catnip Pro and Con, a documentary in two parts awarded an honorable mention at last year's Canned Film Festival. It is rumored that he also lent a whisker in the writing of Cats itself!

· Swimmy, a long-standing disciple of Mr. Whiskers (this is her second incarnation as an Aspirant to the Esoteric School) and exchange student at University in California.

· Whodini, also known affectionately as Fluffykins, a Russian of aristocatic birth and White Tantric master who, with the gesture of a single compassionate paw with retracted claws, demonstrates willingness to form a treaty and truce with the Mouse Kingdom. He furthers the work of Aslan among cats and kittens who have taken up quarters among Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve. His accomplishments in partnership with L. Meow Cupboard and the Space Cats (along with Venerable Dunagain, lately of the Andromedan Galaxy, founder of the feline Vegan movement) are well-known. They have accomplished much in the cause of peace between animals and man. (L. Meow is noted for the phrase, "A cat can look at a clear".) Catavar Whodini is devoted to that cause with all his heart and has, to date, spent a total of four lives in service to it. (Many disciples have died in the cause of Veganism, as you know -- starved to death, unable to adapt to the Rigors of the Merciful Path. Those who survive do develop longer, more effective intestinal tracts.)

· Sushi, a bobtail Aikido Sensei from Japan, who owns and operates Wasabe Dojo in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, a haven for new Aspirants, served faithfully by his favorite disciple, Harabushu. Together they are pledged to teach the art of stone balancing to the western world.

· From another dimension, Featherkins, who brought comfort, catnip and glory to all kittens who are loving, patient and helpful.

· St. John of the Litterbox, a monk at the monastery in Switzerland going through his novitiate, an austere and silent period. He is contemplating what it would be like to be made into a sausage against his will as penance for all carnivores until further notice.

· Sri Yukpetswar, a Meowster practicing Bramacharya and pranayam in the Himalayas and remote viewing catdept.

· Jai-Jai, a monk in hermitage in Indonesia.

· Catalina Meowli, famed for her stunning portrayal of an adventuring Catdept in Tomb Pouncer and noted for her magnanimous adoption of numerous kittens. She is a star actor at Kittywood Studios.

· Mauna Loa and Tutu, a husband and wife team who own and operate a healing center, spa and ha'lau concealed in the hills up in Manoa Valley, Oahu, Hawai'i. They have come to bring peace, beauty and bliss to the planet "Sooner than you think" says Mauna Loa. Their kittens are doing fine, all vegans.

· Mr. Whiskers, astrologer extroardinaire and Headmaster of the Esoteric School, famed in many lands for his urbane, progressive and egalitarian educational style. He still teaches astrology and psychic phenomena. He is known for coining the famous phrase, "A cat can look at a king". (Honestly, you don't think a human came up with that, do you? It was originally a slogan expressing the Feline Liberation Movement's commitment to better treatment for all cats medically and socially.)

· The Tibetan Meowsters, who prefer at this time to remain unnamed and never, ever eat worms. Although they decline to submit biographies for this article, they did say softly that "Many Tibetan cats will be on the move".

· Delegates who visit from time to time from France, Spain, Germany, Finland, Russia and Brazil, known collectively as the Foreign Legion. (The Brazilian contingent meets each Full Moon at the feet of the Statue of the Master Jesus Christ in Madrid. Yes, they do. They travel mystically and convene in their etheric forms.)

This famed Fellowship Conclave was not the origin of the mysterious and mystical Catavars. Indeed, they are known in legend and oral tradition throughout history. Amongst their members are rumored to be Puss in Boots, Carbonel, erstwhile King of the Cats, Cziza, author of the Silent Miaow, the legendary Sri Chi himself, Miss Thomasina, Jad-bal-ja, the Jellicles, the Cat in the Hat, Soy, the Magic Cat, and the deity Mahakitnu.

See below for exciting video excerpts from the Interdisciplinary Ninja Kitten Rundown: